Dearest Cauliflower,
I worry about everything. I'm sure, as you're reading this, you've learned that about me. I'm sure you know that I worry about things before they're even an issue. I worry about things YEARS down the road. Right now, my biggest worries involve you.
I worry you're going to be developmentally challenged. I worry you're going to be stillborn. I worry you're going to have colic. I worry you're going to be autistic. I worry about whether or not cloth diapers will work. I worry whether you're going to get along with Nixon. I worry about what to feed you. I worry about how to guide you when you're too young to understand reason. I worry about temper tantrums. I worry you're going to hate me...
I worry.
I also hope. I also dream.
I hope you're going to have your dad's intelligence and compassion. I hope you're going to be curious about the world and everything in it. I hope you're going to know when to speak and when to listen. I hope you find your passion. I hope you find love. I hope you're brave and honest. I hope you find peace and happiness. I hope you can build things with your hands and solve puzzles with your mind. I hope you're healthy. I hope you're kind. I hope you're outgoing. I hope you make time for the little things that are so very important. I hope you stand up for what's right. I hope you're open-minded. I hope you're giving. I hope you never lose your sense of wonder...
There are so many things I hope for you. I want you to be a good person who loves and is loved.
I cannot wait to hold you in my arms. I'm so very excited to meet you. I'm excited to go on adventures with you. I'm excited to explore and learn about the world from your perspective. I wonder what amazing things we're going to explore together. In 10-12 short weeks, you'll be here.
I'm so scared and so excited.
You've been kicking me as I write this. It's one of my favorite feelings. I've never been as close to anyone as I am to you, right now. I love knowing that you're there & you're growing. I love watching my stomach move when you kick hard. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it tickles, but I always love it. I never thought I could love someone that I've never even met.
I love you... more than you could possibly know.
-Mom
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
21 weeks
Dearest Carrot,
We finally had the anatomy scan yesterday! The tech said you're perfect. You're measuring a little ahead, but nothing abnormal. Your by size due date is April 16th.
YOU'RE A BOY!!!
I'm sure you already knew that, though. :)
During the ultrasound, you wouldn't hold still enough to let us get a good profile picture, but you did rub your eyes and yawn. It was the most adorable thing ever. I cried.
Your big brother was there. He was very concerned that you didn't have a head since the tech was focused on your belly at the time.
Afterwards, we went to a store to look at some things for you. We haven't bought anything yet, but Nixon was very intent on picking things out that he was SURE you would like. Mostly toys, of course. He's 5 now and he doesn't quite understand that you're going to be too little to play with a lot of the things he wants to get you. He's also super excited about playing Mario with you. We've tried to explain that that will take a few years, but he still wants to show you.
He's thrilled about having a little brother.
You've been kicking a lot lately & it's wonderful. I smile every time I feel you & Dad grins like an idiot when he gets to feel you too. It's so sweet. I've never seen him so excited.
We still have lots of things to do before we meet you, but I'm looking forward to it.
Strangely, even though I can feel you and I've seen you, I don't 100% believe you're real yet. I'm starting to look pregnant finally, but I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I'm going to be a mom. It's weird. If you ever have kids, I'm sure you'll understand. It's exciting, but very surreal.
Hopefully we'll get another ultrasound b/c you wouldn't move the right way to get one specific angle. I love seeing you, so I'm looking forward to it.
I love you,
Mom
We finally had the anatomy scan yesterday! The tech said you're perfect. You're measuring a little ahead, but nothing abnormal. Your by size due date is April 16th.
YOU'RE A BOY!!!
I'm sure you already knew that, though. :)
During the ultrasound, you wouldn't hold still enough to let us get a good profile picture, but you did rub your eyes and yawn. It was the most adorable thing ever. I cried.
Your big brother was there. He was very concerned that you didn't have a head since the tech was focused on your belly at the time.
Afterwards, we went to a store to look at some things for you. We haven't bought anything yet, but Nixon was very intent on picking things out that he was SURE you would like. Mostly toys, of course. He's 5 now and he doesn't quite understand that you're going to be too little to play with a lot of the things he wants to get you. He's also super excited about playing Mario with you. We've tried to explain that that will take a few years, but he still wants to show you.
He's thrilled about having a little brother.
You've been kicking a lot lately & it's wonderful. I smile every time I feel you & Dad grins like an idiot when he gets to feel you too. It's so sweet. I've never seen him so excited.
We still have lots of things to do before we meet you, but I'm looking forward to it.
Strangely, even though I can feel you and I've seen you, I don't 100% believe you're real yet. I'm starting to look pregnant finally, but I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I'm going to be a mom. It's weird. If you ever have kids, I'm sure you'll understand. It's exciting, but very surreal.
Hopefully we'll get another ultrasound b/c you wouldn't move the right way to get one specific angle. I love seeing you, so I'm looking forward to it.
I love you,
Mom
Monday, November 17, 2014
17 Weeks 5 Days.
My Dearest Onion,
I've been meaning to start this for a while now, but as I'm sure you know by now, I'm not always prompt even when my intentions are good.
Currently, it's November 17, 2014 at about 2pm. I am 17 weeks and 5 days pregnant with you! We've seen you twice. Once at about 9 weeks when you were just a blob (Awesome Grandma thinks you look like a mouse in that one) and then at 13 weeks 6 days when you actually looked like a baby!! Dad and I were so excited to see that you were developing perfectly. We have a fetal doppler that allows us to listen to your heartbeat whenever we want to, which is about every few days. Sometimes more often if I'm especially nervous that day.
You may or may not know that your Dad and I tried for about 2.5 years to have you. As you go through the rest of your life, no matter what happens, please remember one very important thing: YOU ARE LOVED AND WANTED MORE THAN ANYTHING.
Your Grandma, my Mom, cried when she found out I was pregnant. Your brother got super excited and proclaimed that you're a boy and he's going to name you "Firefast Triceratops Speedway T-Rex Thorburn". 2 weeks later he wanted to name you "Nixon". Your Dad lights up every time we hear your heartbeat or feel you kick. When he found out you could hear, he played music for you. He talks to you. He kisses my belly. He talks about your name. Just last night he was complaining that he can't hold you yet (or teach you calculus). & me... well, I wouldn't have started this if I wasn't excited. I try to feel you every chance I get. I want to hear your heartbeat every day. I'm beyond excited for the anatomy scan so I can see you again. I get sick with worry that I might do something wrong and accidentally hurt you in some way. I worry that I'm not good enough for you. I worry that I'll scar you in some way or that I'll ruin you. I worry that I'm a terrible mother and you're going to hate me. Mostly, you're all I think about. I wonder what you'll look like. I hope you'll have your Dad's freckles even though he hates them. I hope you'll be healthy and strong. I hope you'll grow up to be a good person. I hope we can instill honesty, and compassion in you. Growing up is hard and it doesn't get much easier as an adult. I just hope we can give you the tools to deal with things as they come and learn from your mistakes.
The ultrasound tech at our last visit thinks you're a boy. Dad and Nixon think you're a boy. I thought you were a boy within days of finding out I was pregnant. As of right now, We plan to name you Gideon Harper ... Dad wants to name you Gideon Harper Odin (or some other "O" name) Smith-Thorburn so your initials will be GHOST. I'm not sold, but we'll see. We also talked about Arlo, Argus, Atticus, Elijah, Emory, Galion, Ian, Mylos, Soren and Tristan. We haven't made a final decision yet and if you're a girl that will throw all of them out the window. We'll find out for sure in a few weeks.
I hope the next few months go by quickly. I can't wait to meet you!
I love you,
Mom
I've been meaning to start this for a while now, but as I'm sure you know by now, I'm not always prompt even when my intentions are good.
Currently, it's November 17, 2014 at about 2pm. I am 17 weeks and 5 days pregnant with you! We've seen you twice. Once at about 9 weeks when you were just a blob (Awesome Grandma thinks you look like a mouse in that one) and then at 13 weeks 6 days when you actually looked like a baby!! Dad and I were so excited to see that you were developing perfectly. We have a fetal doppler that allows us to listen to your heartbeat whenever we want to, which is about every few days. Sometimes more often if I'm especially nervous that day.
You may or may not know that your Dad and I tried for about 2.5 years to have you. As you go through the rest of your life, no matter what happens, please remember one very important thing: YOU ARE LOVED AND WANTED MORE THAN ANYTHING.
Your Grandma, my Mom, cried when she found out I was pregnant. Your brother got super excited and proclaimed that you're a boy and he's going to name you "Firefast Triceratops Speedway T-Rex Thorburn". 2 weeks later he wanted to name you "Nixon". Your Dad lights up every time we hear your heartbeat or feel you kick. When he found out you could hear, he played music for you. He talks to you. He kisses my belly. He talks about your name. Just last night he was complaining that he can't hold you yet (or teach you calculus). & me... well, I wouldn't have started this if I wasn't excited. I try to feel you every chance I get. I want to hear your heartbeat every day. I'm beyond excited for the anatomy scan so I can see you again. I get sick with worry that I might do something wrong and accidentally hurt you in some way. I worry that I'm not good enough for you. I worry that I'll scar you in some way or that I'll ruin you. I worry that I'm a terrible mother and you're going to hate me. Mostly, you're all I think about. I wonder what you'll look like. I hope you'll have your Dad's freckles even though he hates them. I hope you'll be healthy and strong. I hope you'll grow up to be a good person. I hope we can instill honesty, and compassion in you. Growing up is hard and it doesn't get much easier as an adult. I just hope we can give you the tools to deal with things as they come and learn from your mistakes.
The ultrasound tech at our last visit thinks you're a boy. Dad and Nixon think you're a boy. I thought you were a boy within days of finding out I was pregnant. As of right now, We plan to name you Gideon Harper ... Dad wants to name you Gideon Harper Odin (or some other "O" name) Smith-Thorburn so your initials will be GHOST. I'm not sold, but we'll see. We also talked about Arlo, Argus, Atticus, Elijah, Emory, Galion, Ian, Mylos, Soren and Tristan. We haven't made a final decision yet and if you're a girl that will throw all of them out the window. We'll find out for sure in a few weeks.
I hope the next few months go by quickly. I can't wait to meet you!
I love you,
Mom
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